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MAN WHO IDENTIFIES AS A DOG ENTERS PACIFICA SURF CONTEST, FINISHES BEHIND EVERY SINGLE DOG
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MODERATE DEMOCRATS FOUND ALIVE, LOOKING FOR THEIR NAMES ON MIDWEST BALLOTS ◆ MISSOURI CLARIFIES: VOTERS MAY PICK CANDIDATES, NOT THE SHAPES THAT PICK CANDIDATES FOR THEM ◆ SPACEX ACHIEVES MOON LANDING VIA HIGH-SPEED LITHOBRAKING ◆ STRAIT OF HORMUZ DEAL NOW ON MARVEL TRAILER RELEASE SCHEDULE ◆ SPACEX BEATS EARNINGS BY LOSING LESS MONEY WHILE SPENDING WAY MORE MONEY ◆ DEMOCRATS SPEND $80 MILLION TO DETERMINE WHICH DEMOCRAT LOSES MICHIGAN WITH DIGNITY ◆ MODERATE DEMOCRATS FOUND ALIVE, LOOKING FOR THEIR NAMES ON MIDWEST BALLOTS ◆ MISSOURI CLARIFIES: VOTERS MAY PICK CANDIDATES, NOT THE SHAPES THAT PICK CANDIDATES FOR THEM ◆ SPACEX ACHIEVES MOON LANDING VIA HIGH-SPEED LITHOBRAKING ◆ STRAIT OF HORMUZ DEAL NOW ON MARVEL TRAILER RELEASE SCHEDULE ◆ SPACEX BEATS EARNINGS BY LOSING LESS MONEY WHILE SPENDING WAY MORE MONEY ◆ DEMOCRATS SPEND $80 MILLION TO DETERMINE WHICH DEMOCRAT LOSES MICHIGAN WITH DIGNITY ◆
Tonight's Top Fabrications
All stories →01 Politics
MODERATE DEMOCRATS FOUND ALIVE, LOOKING FOR THEIR NAMES ON MIDWEST BALLOTS
Centrist candidates last seen leading in polls conducted sometime before the polls closed.
02 Politics
MISSOURI CLARIFIES: VOTERS MAY PICK CANDIDATES, NOT THE SHAPES THAT PICK CANDIDATES FOR THEM
State officials block referendum on new GOP-friendly map, insist democracy still applies to everything except geometry.
03 World
SPACEX ACHIEVES MOON LANDING VIA HIGH-SPEED LITHOBRAKING
Company confirms rocket stage reached the Moon the way a rental car reaches valet parking.
04 World
STRAIT OF HORMUZ DEAL NOW ON MARVEL TRAILER RELEASE SCHEDULE
President says agreement could land 'as early as Wednesday,' joining toddlers and superhero studios in the fine art of the soft deadline.
More from the desk
05 SPACEX BEATS EARNINGS BY LOSING LESS MONEY WHILE SPENDING WAY MORE MONEY Economy06 DEMOCRATS SPEND $80 MILLION TO DETERMINE WHICH DEMOCRAT LOSES MICHIGAN WITH DIGNITY Politics07 SPY ROCK GO BRRR: PALANTIR EARNINGS BEAT DESCRIBED AS 'OTHERWORLDLY,' RON RUGUNDY FINDS THAT FITTING Economy08 MICHIGAN DEMOCRATS STAGE CAGE MATCH OVER WHO GETS TO BE 3% MORE DISAPPOINTED IN YOU Politics09 WHITE HOUSE STUNNED TO LEARN OIL COMPANIES PROFIT WHEN OIL IS EXPENSIVE Politics10 ORIOLES TRADE FRANCHISE CATCHER FOR SEALED ENVELOPE OF FUTURE VIBES Entertainment
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